Hi Love,
I deal with anxiety and the occasional panic attack. I’ve had my fair share, and I wanted to share how I’ve been managing when they happen.
Why I’m Speaking Up Now
I don’t usually post about my anxiety, (because I’m anxious and guarded about being vulnerable with this type of stuff- I don’t like the labels that come along with it.) but I figured if there was ever a time to raise awareness, it’s now; It’s Mental Health Awareness Month. Perhaps sharing my story instead of preserving myself can help someone out there. This experience could be different for everyone, but this is what it is for me.
There is also a difference between anxiety attacks and panic attacks. You can read more HERE, and see the Info graphic below:
The Moment Everything Changed
Backstory: It all started back in 2017 when I was living miles away from home in China; completely separated from my family and friends. What really set things off was hearing that someone I knew, someone I’d had some honest, thoughtful conversations with, who reminded me a lot of my dad, and who shared some of my same health concerns—had passed away. The news shocked me. Almost immediately, I started having heart palpitations, dizziness, and the feeling that I was spiraling out of control. I honestly thought I was going to die.
When Your Body Says What Your Mouth Can’t
On top of that, I had been battling insomnia for weeks, which only made it worse. It came to a point where I did not even want to go out to grocery shopping or run errands. Because in the middle of that, the heart palpitations, the dizziness and weakness would come out of nowhere.
At the time, I didn’t know what was happening. I didn’t have any history of this! All I knew was that my chest felt tight, I couldn’t catch my breath, my muscles were twitching, and I felt like I was slipping away. Every time it hit, I panicked, because how was I supposed to die in a foreign country, where I barely spoke the language, and no one really knew me?
Finally, A Name for It
Eventually, I got worried enough to go to the doctor. I did all the physical tests, and still, no answers. So I did the one thing you’re not supposed to do (IYKYK): I Googled my symptoms. Thankfully, this time, it helped. Everything I was experiencing matched anxiety and panic attacks. Finally, I had a name for what was going on in my body and my mind.
Learning to Ride the Wave
From there, I started learning. I found out that I couldn’t stop the attacks once they began. They were happening because my brain had built pathways that now made them automatic, especially when I was triggered. And while I’m still figuring out all my triggers, the biggest one for me is a lack of sleep and feeling completely overwhelmed by commitments and expectations. (So if you ask me to do something and I say no—please know, it’s not you. It’s me.)
What’s helped me the most is learning not to fight the attack. I train my mind to recognize what’s happening and just let it pass. I say to myself, “Okay, this is a panic attack. Breathe. Your chest is tight, but you’re still breathing AND you can’t take deep breaths. You’re not dying. Just be still, let it happen. Let your mind and body do what it feels it needs to do in this moment, then let it go.” When I used to fight it, it would drag on. But now, I let it run its course, and it usually passes in a minute or two. It’s still uncomfortable, but far more manageable. Now the long range Anxiety Attacks – those take a lot more work to get through, and professional help might be needed for it.
Faith, Reading, and the Peace I’m Learning to Keep in my Heart
Another thing that’s helped? A book by Max Lucado called Anxious for Nothing. As a Christian, it gave me a deeper understanding of the root of anxiety, how it works, and how to respond to it from a spiritual perspective. It’s truly shifted how I see anxiety and how I handle it.
If This Is You, Too…
So, if you’ve experienced this, or are going through it right now, I hope something here helps you. And if you feel like you need professional help, please don’t hesitate. Get what you need. You’re not alone. Here are a few useful links:
- The Mental Fitness Center – They start you off with a few free sessionS, and it VERY affordable after that. Online and in-person sessions are available.
- Mental Health Talk Antigua – Community of Mental Health Advocates and Professionals -They can recommend persons within that community to help you.
- Better Help (International) – If you prefer to answer a questionnaire and be matched with someone who aligns with your preferences (christian, not christian, male, female, spiritual, non-spiritual, strictly clinical, couples, teen lgbtq etc.)
YOU TIL BE JESUS PICKNEY.
Here’s a gentle reminder from scripture to remember daily as you press on with facing anxieties- Even if you still have attacks, give yourself Grace as God gives you Grace and remember: Prayer gives Peace and its always available whenever you need it; before the moment – in the moment – or after the moment, thank God that you survived it.
Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the PEACE of God, which surpasses all understanding, will GUARD your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.
(Philippians 4:6–7)
You can also learn how Meditating on the Word can help in THIS POST. Thanks for reading! if this has helped you, share it with someone who you know might be struggling. Let them know that help is available! And as usual,
EXTRA Love and light,
